… and by the FTP I am not referring to a site you download crap onto, but the ever elusive “Total Freakin Package.” This came up when I was discussing with my guy friends the ever misunderstood guy psyche. More importantly why I am not actively finding the right type of guy… or better why they are not finding me. Then they described the FTP… this is of course the epitome of the perfect girl… smart, pretty, funny, yadda, yadda, yadda… This got me to thinking that I would like to be the FTP, but as it doesn’t seem to be that I can achieve FTP status as a girl maybe I should think about becoming a guy, because I’m quite a catch. The following are a list of reasons why I would make the guy version of the FTP:
- I’m smart… two Ivy Leagues under my belt (for this purpose we shall consider Wellesley an Ivy League as it is close enough)
- I’m funny… hysterical in fact in a witty, sarcastic sort of way… in fact my humor stretches to the obscene/dirty occasionally which fits right in
- I have a good job… I mean it’s not rocket science, but it’s upstanding and creative
- Football is my life… I’ve read the entire “Dummies guide to Football”, I have Patriots crap all over my car, I have at least two jerseys and even more paraphernalia that I wear out to Sports Bars where I heckle fans from the other team
- I’m pretty smokin hot… well I will be after a few more weeks of working out with the guys… the washboard is almost making an appearance, any day now
- I have all my own hair… it’s not its original color, but that’s semantics
- I like manly things like movies about cars, James Bond and beer
- I’ve got my own hoopdy (that’s car for those of you that aren’t ‘down’)… sure it’s silver with a vanity plate and mardi gras beads on the inside, but I can get rid of that easy
- I dress well… although if I were a dude I probably would wear clothes that would accentuate my huge pecs and bis rather than my other “assets”
- I like animals… I have two cats, but they’re almost like two dogs
- I can handle a chainsaw, a woodchipper, and I can climb a tree with a couple carabineers and few ropes… from my days as a lumberjack or something like it
- I’m goal-oriented, motivated and don’t take crap from anyone
- I like alternative music and classic rock (when not listening to pop… but I can keep that on the DL)
So basically this makes me start to wonder why I am even bothering to be a girl when I make such a better guy… oh right, because I like guys… damn that tricky little fact.
RE: “I like animals”
Atleast you didn’t say: “I like ponies and kitties!” – because I think that would send the wrong message. Thank god for that one remaining skeevy frog we got you. That saves your ass on this one.
This is funny… I reread this and realized that the autocorrect changed all my TFPs to FTPs… so it made me sound like I was crazy