the latest phenomena in the workplace is that of the office spouse… it is so big in fact that their have been stories about it in major newspapers and an appearance on the Today show. for those of you that don’t know what an office spouse is it is a person of the opposite sex in the office that you are most closely connected to. this relationship is strictly platonic but involves confiding in one another on a certain emotional level. they are a healthy part of your worklife in that you can get the opposite viewpoint on matters of importance in areas that they would understand better than anyone outside the firm… men bringing the more direct, confrontational side of things, and women bringing the more sensitive, feeling side. the Today show was stressing the importance of being very open in your office marriage so that your real spouse does not feel threatened. they also advised that just like in a real marriage you need to work to keep this new relationship functioning, perhaps by having lunch together and discussing what each of you hope to get out of the relationship.
I find this all very amusing, and so very true of my office. if I go down the list of people I work with almost everyone has an office husband/wife. I think that the news is failing to mention other very vital roles played in office relationships, which may include any or all of the following:
- office spouse
- office boyfriend
- office girlfriend
- office affair (this only applies if for a short time you befriend someone while still with your office spouse)
- office gay/lesbian lover (someone of the same sex that you spend an unnatural amount of time with)
This also fails to take into account any sort of power relationships, such as:
- the Mrs. Robinson factor (when someone much older/more experienced in the company takes a newbie under their wing, a slight bit of idol worship goes into this one. This may or may not include doing some or all of the following things for this older person, like picking up their dry-cleaning, babysitting, or picking all of the dark Melba toast pieces out of the Chex mix because that’s their favorite)
- the “Bitch” factor (very similar to the Mrs. Robinson, but with less nurturing affection on the part of the elder, and more of a servant/slave role on the younger’s part)
Now you may all be wondering at this point what category you fall under and how your relationships are working out at your particular office. Well, I can’t help you out with that one, I can only tell you about myself:
Office Spouse- unfortunately my work life mirrors my personal life and I have no office husband… I’m in the market though, so if you know of anyone…
Office Boyfriend- too many to count, I’m pretty much seeing all of them, but none exclusively… oh god, does that make me the Office Whore?
Office Affair- this would imply there was an office husband
Office lesbian lover- there are a lot of women I turn to for support in the office… holy crap, that makes me the Office Bi-Whore… who knew I was so skanky at work
The Mrs. Robinson- well, there are two of those for me, my boss, and my boss’s boss, both women though, I haven’t picked up dry-cleaning yet, or been asked to baby-sit (neither has children, just pets that are like children), but a request has been made for the Melba toast… maybe if she’s lucky
The “Bitch”- my boss’s boss’s boss, another woman, that I would probably go out and murder puppies for if I thought it would get her to notice me better
Looking back on the list I begin to wonder and to question things about my own office sexuality… am I the Office Bisexual? Is it similar to having n office spouse, you can be straight in real life, but in the office your sexuality becomes something else? I’m actually okay with this outcome… Wellesley has prepared me to accept all sexualities… I’m not sure however that John will be happy to discover he is actually an Office Homosexual… I’d better go tell him right now.