Sam’s Ministrations on Life

So this is the first time in a while that I’ve had a chance to write another blog, let alone have a night to myself. I went from complaining about spending my evenings alone reading books for free at Borders and playing with my cats to social diva… or a reasonable facsimile. You may ask yourself: “Sam, what have you been doing with your fabulous time?” Oh, I’ll tell you.

Poker night… that’s right I’m the sole girl at Poker night, and a regular to boot. True, we’ve only played twice and one of those times I was at home for a funeral, but the other time I kicked some serious dude booty. The funniest thing is that I had to print the rules out for myself earlier that evening… and I have to sit there with a little cheat sheet the tells me what hand trumps what. The guys actually though I was bluffing a good part of the time when in reality I just had no idea that I had nothing in my hand. I’m getting a bit nervous about where I will put five big guys when it’s my turn to host. Damn if that wouldn’t just be my fantasy if they weren’t all married guys with kids. But seriously… 6 people in 650 square feet. I have the number of chairs… there just isn’t room to put them in a circle, and nothing to sit around. I just don’t think they’ll fall for the old stand-by of “we’re playing poker persian style”.

Pool Saturdays… that’s right, pretty much every Saturday I’ve been sunning myself by the pool. For all of you that know me well enough… no, it isn’t working yet, I still don’t look any more latina. I’ve come to believe that God really doesn’t even want me to tan. It will be 100 degrees without a cloud in the sky and then approximately 40 minutes after I come outside the heavens will open up and apocalyptic rain will flow from the sky, forcing me to gather up all the shit that I didn’t really need to bring down to the pool in the first place… since I’m not reading the book about the fall of the Myan civilization but sleeping instead… and scatter frantically into the gazebo where I plan to wait out the rain witch I’m sure will pass in just ten minutes and two hours later I’m still in the gazebo.

Mexican food… that’s right, counting up there with the recent increase in beer consumption has been a noted increase in Mexican food. I mean I like Mexican food… who doesn’t like beans, cheese and a good tortilla, but seriously soon the INS will get my credit card receipts and try to deport me… that is until they come pick me up and get one look at me, realize I’m too pale and let me be. I’m always slightly surprised at the large number of Mexican joints around here considering we are 5 hours inland, and nowhere near Mexico… oh well I’m not going to complain when I get a green chili pepper filled with cheese.

So what am I doing with my night alone? Hah, if you watch Sex and the City you’ll know what I mean when I say I have “Single Behavior”. This includes putting on my pjs immediately upon entrance into my apartment. I then make myself something only I would really want to eat… like Cheddywurst (that’s right folks Cheddar injected sausage, it doesn’t get any better), or fried salami, triscuits or dry cereal. Then I’ll make the tough decision between that same hard-hitting book about the fall of Mayan civilization or a tawdry romance novel. I’ll probably round out the evening by plucking my eyebrows or straightening my hair while watching Falcon Beach or the Hills.

That’s what I am… the Fuck Yeah Girl. I’m not exactly sure who came up with the phrase, someone at work I think. Everyone has at least one of these friends that you can rely on to be up for whatever. So, it’s things like…
“Heh, anyone up for grabbing dinner?”
“Fuck yeah”

“Anyone want to head to Vegas for the weekend?”
“Fuck yeah”

“Strip club anybody?”
“Fuck yeah”
I wasn’t always that girl. I’ve usually had a friend that was this person and I would drag them to whatever obnoxious event I really wanted to go to… for me that usually means dancing. Now that I’m finally single again, and in a new place I’m pretty much up for anything. My theory is that I should live life to the fullest and in the moment. People are often asking me, don’t I need to sleep more (and maybe save a little more money). I figure as long as the bills get paid and I put a bit away I can sleep and get serious about saving later. It’s time for me to have fun.

So what has this meant for me so far? Well, I’ve gone to a ton of bars and pubs in the area… which also means I’m becoming a bit of a beer connoisseur. I’ve been to two strip clubs in the ATL… the Cheetah and the Cleremont Lounge (where strippers go to die)… this of course was not my choice but what the guys at the office were up for. There’s been bowling, darts and pool… and hopefully soon a bit of camping, tubing and mudbogging. I’ve eaten at an inordinate number of restaurants in the area. I’ve been to a bunch of parties… mostly being held by or for people I don’t even know… that also makes me the Who the Fuck Is That Girl. Actually, now that I write this maybe I’m turning into more of the Fuck Yeah Guy!

the latest phenomena in the workplace is that of the office spouse… it is so big in fact that their have been stories about it in major newspapers and an appearance on the Today show. for those of you that don’t know what an office spouse is it is a person of the opposite sex in the office that you are most closely connected to. this relationship is strictly platonic but involves confiding in one another on a certain emotional level. they are a healthy part of your worklife in that you can get the opposite viewpoint on matters of importance in areas that they would understand better than anyone outside the firm… men bringing the more direct, confrontational side of things, and women bringing the more sensitive, feeling side. the Today show was stressing the importance of being very open in your office marriage so that your real spouse does not feel threatened. they also advised that just like in a real marriage you need to work to keep this new relationship functioning, perhaps by having lunch together and discussing what each of you hope to get out of the relationship.

I find this all very amusing, and so very true of my office. if I go down the list of people I work with almost everyone has an office husband/wife. I think that the news is failing to mention other very vital roles played in office relationships, which may include any or all of the following:
- office spouse
- office boyfriend
- office girlfriend
- office affair (this only applies if for a short time you befriend someone while still with your office spouse)
- office gay/lesbian lover (someone of the same sex that you spend an unnatural amount of time with)

This also fails to take into account any sort of power relationships, such as:
- the Mrs. Robinson factor (when someone much older/more experienced in the company takes a newbie under their wing, a slight bit of idol worship goes into this one. This may or may not include doing some or all of the following things for this older person, like picking up their dry-cleaning, babysitting, or picking all of the dark Melba toast pieces out of the Chex mix because that’s their favorite)
- the “Bitch” factor (very similar to the Mrs. Robinson, but with less nurturing affection on the part of the elder, and more of a servant/slave role on the younger’s part)

Now you may all be wondering at this point what category you fall under and how your relationships are working out at your particular office. Well, I can’t help you out with that one, I can only tell you about myself:
Office Spouse- unfortunately my work life mirrors my personal life and I have no office husband… I’m in the market though, so if you know of anyone…
Office Boyfriend- too many to count, I’m pretty much seeing all of them, but none exclusively… oh god, does that make me the Office Whore?
Office Affair- this would imply there was an office husband
Office lesbian lover- there are a lot of women I turn to for support in the office… holy crap, that makes me the Office Bi-Whore… who knew I was so skanky at work
The Mrs. Robinson- well, there are two of those for me, my boss, and my boss’s boss, both women though, I haven’t picked up dry-cleaning yet, or been asked to baby-sit (neither has children, just pets that are like children), but a request has been made for the Melba toast… maybe if she’s lucky
The “Bitch”- my boss’s boss’s boss, another woman, that I would probably go out and murder puppies for if I thought it would get her to notice me better

Looking back on the list I begin to wonder and to question things about my own office sexuality… am I the Office Bisexual? Is it similar to having n office spouse, you can be straight in real life, but in the office your sexuality becomes something else? I’m actually okay with this outcome… Wellesley has prepared me to accept all sexualities… I’m not sure however that John will be happy to discover he is actually an Office Homosexual… I’d better go tell him right now.