Personal Appearance
you have gold jewelry of any kind really
you wear Drakar Noir
you have owned anything acid washed after the 80s
you own tapered leg jeans
you wear cut-off jean shorts
you wear shorts or pants in any shade of pastel possibly with little martinis, alligators, golf balls, etc. on them
you wear sunglasses inside or at night
you wear a vest, sweater or otherwise for anything other than tux appropriate events
you have a mullet or rattail
you wear a baseball hat that doesnt sit fully on your head
you walk around with your arms away from your side because your muscles are too big to be able to put them down any further
you still take out the letter jacket and wear it around sometimes
you have a tongue ring
you have had/given a visible hickey after the age of 17
Vehicle Specific
your base arrives before you do
your high school graduation tassel is still hanging from your rear-view mirror
you have a vanity plate
you have more than one sticker from your undergrad on your car aka your car is referred to as the Dawg Pound by your friends
Personality
you have given yourself a nickname only friends are allowed to assign you a nickname, and more than just you and that person have to frequently call you that aka the Asian Sensation
you have nicknamed your group of friends ie. The Pimpmaster Seven
you brag every Monday about how wasted you got the weekend before
you have ever complained when a girl makes you a meal because it is interfereing in your lifting diet
you are taking steroids and are not a major athlete wait does that mean its okay if you are a major athlete?
you still relive your high school/college sports career
you have never left your hometown for more than the four-eight years you were in college and the hardest deicision you have to make during the week is which towny bar to go to
Female Dbaggery otherwise known as Douchebaggettery
Personal Appearance
you make a point of not wearing a bra this is only okay if you are a feminist and are deeply opposed to the male imposition upon your body (these women are in their own category of strange)
you have owned anything taperd or acid-washed after 1989
you are still rocking the claw, aka the overly large bangs we all had in high school
you have ever been accused of having cameltoe
you have a lower back tattoo that runs symmetrically from the middle of your spine to the side of your hips in a non-distinct swirly pattern
you own anything with clear heels
your thong is visible to the general population
you have worn granny panties AND other people have noticed
you have ever left your house knowing full well that you are wearing colored underwear underneath something white
you own or have ever worn thonged bathing attire
you have fake-tanned, or sat in a tanning bed so long that you are now a shade of tangelo
you own/wear a perfume by any pop star aka Jlo, Britney, Beyonce, etc
you have a tongue ring
you have had/given a visible hickey after the age of 17
Vehicle
you have stupid shit hanging from your rearview mirror or your gear shift, this may include dolphins, heart-shaped anything, fuzzy dice, graduation tassels, and mardi gras beads (oh crap that just put me on the list)
you have animal print seat or steering wheel covers
you have any kind of sticker in your rear windshield with flowers, or a mention of how hot you are, or that you are a princess, etc
you have a vanity plate
you have an air freshener that knocks people off their ass when they open the car door with the scent of strawberries, tropical islands, coconut, whatever
you smoke especially those fancy ass colored cigarettes, or flavored crap
Please respond to this with any additional examples you can think of… apparently this is critical information as I am supposed to review these rules before each new date so I can be sure I am not dating another douchebag.