Karma is exactly what I fear I will be dealing with soon. Why you ask? Well, as you all may have seen on the news we were walloped with one hell of a storm on Monday. So here I am driving to work late as usual. The rain is letting up and as I turn a corner I see a bit of sheen on the road but think nothing of it. That is until I feel the pull on my wheel as the car hydroplanes. I look up and at the same moment I see the slow-motion look of horror on the guys face who at that exact moment is walking around the very same corner. Even the umbrella he carried could not save him, nor his cat-like reflexes as he attempted to jump out of the way but finding a large parking structure blocking his retreat. The 6 foot wave of water my car threw out would have been an impressive sight coming from a tiny rubbermaid trashcan on wheels… that is if I hadn’t soaked the guy with dirty street water from head to foot. I couldn’t even stop to apologize as traffic was backing up. I sincerely hope my karma already checked that way in after having similar… though not nearly as bad… things happen to me in Philly.
I also think I may have paid off that debt a bit last week as I was sent out on the tracks to survey. When they said “Where shoes you can get wet” I didn’t here the underlying implication for the need for hip waders. Apparently once you remove tracks water pools where they once were… and eventually form full-fledged wetlands. Of course I am required to walk through these giving me Vietnam style flashbacks to days spent up in the coal country of Pennsylvania for studio. SO I start off the day ankle deep in muddy water… which has that swampy bathroom smell… but in this case it probably has been used as a bathroom by any number of homeless people that have made the kudzu and bridges their home. I did get to meet a nice man who seemed overly concerned about whether our journey was comfortable… I didn’t get it until we stumbled onto what must have been his stash of stolen goods… about 20 bike tires, boxes of DVD porn, and CDs, all thrown just behind his house. This seems to be a consistent trend. I haven’t figured out at what point you decide it’s easier to walk your trash to your backyard and throw it just outside your property line rather than taking it out to the curb. I have only encountered a few stray dogs… but they were more concerned with raiding the dumpster of the Little Debbie plant we walked past. I did get to catch a glimpse of a nice man who was breeding dogs for dogfights… about 12 pit bulls, rotties and dobermans all individually tied and ready to jump off their chain and run at me with their mouths foaming. None of the guys I was with noticed my not so subtle shift to hide behind them all. Summary of my three days spent out on the railroad tracks… “There’s a homeless encampment up ahead, but don’t worry, you can always smell the homeless before you see them… you know they like to defecate where they eat.”
Non sequiter comment, but I was driving through tolls the other day and I went to give the guy my dollar and he said “Don’t worry about it, the person ahead of you paid for you and told me to tell you ‘God Bless You!’.” It’s not even like this person had seen me, because they were long gone when I pulled up… that is just southern hospitality to the mask. It creeps me out. Stop trying to bribe me! I’m a sinner and you can’t convert me so stop trying… I’m from the north.