So, I was at the barn on Saturday night… just walking along, minding my own business when I hear thundering hooves behind me. I turn around and find about a 200 pound billy goat running straight at me. Uttering a swear, I throw myself against the wall and pray. Luckily apparently goats lose interest easily and it ran into the barn and began munching on hay, and then picking up tack, and various other items around the barn and crapping in the middle of the floor. Well I’ve still got to tack up so I make the ill-advised decision of taking regina out of her stall. So here I am, holding regina, just by the halter, facing this billy goat, who I now fear may feel cornered and is getting increasingly twitchy. Quickly I turn Regina around and put her back in the stall, with the door open, but with a chain across so she can hang her head out. So the goat at this point is between me and my tack… this is when I remember that someone once said if you ignore the goat it wont bother you… so I figure it’s somewhat like an angry dog and decide to walk down the isle refusing to make eye contact. The entire time I’m carrying on a running conversation with my horse… sounding somewhat like.
“What do you think I should do if the goat attacks me?”
“Do you lie down and play dead like when a bear attacks?
“Do you punch it in the nose like a shark?”
“Should I use a firm voice so it thinks I’m an alpha?”
The whole time I’m envisioning rams on the side of a mountain in the Himalayas, running and clashing horns. Of course Regina was no help… she just hung her head out of the stall enjoying watching my discomfort. Unwise decision on my part to let her do that because the next time I turn around I see the goat running at her, ramming speed, horned skull aimed to attack. At the last moment it rears up on its hind legs and kicks at the air. Regina reacted, much as I would have expected… she pins her ears and takes several angry steps forward, as far as the chain would allow, baring her teeth and stomping. The goat got this horrified look on its face, made some sort of low guttural noise and ran from the barn at full speed.
Moral of the story: If a goat attacks, gain a half ton, bare your teeth and stomp on the ground.